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Countless Times

by Diane Cluck

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1.
how long ? 03:50
oh, for many--how you say ?... ( words are getting in the way ) years--that's it ! i still decide i want to carry on oh, for now, all i see-- i walk & carry parts of me as parts of me crawl on beside-- i want to carry on how long ? how long ? how long ? how long ? how long... how long ? how long... how long ? and i see now how long and i see now how long
2.
sucked into the mundane & its mystery sixteen-petalled flowered upholstery where've i been ? well, i've been here for hours bleeding into patterns of flowers... ( quietly the night comes marching in to greet them ) when those seams open up go in, go ! yellow, wide, open up go in, go shades of honey bees black and golden yellow sway like honey bees black & golden yellow yellow, yellow...
3.
sylvania 04:37
i grew up in sylvania; there aren't so many woods now how dare he lay his name upon that tract of land ? tho natives got on cool there they felt no need to rule there who gives a flying fig about some William Penn ? own your own sylvania homestead if that be your belief you can claim you own it tho you bought it from a thief who might have been the boss awhile he never was the chief oh i know... founding forefathers i call you deadbeat dads founding forefathers i call you deadbeat dads founding forefathers i call you deadbeat dads leave us alone leave everyone alone we can work it out on our own sylvania is beautiful when the fall rolls around there's gourds out in the fields & indian corn ( you can't eat them, though ) many half-songs sung up from the fields remind me how it was-- amazing amazing amazing amazing
4.
all my delight came out like a hock coughed up in the mornin' saw in the light what colors i didn't know how should i call them saint someone said to "die daily"--die daily implies be born daily open my head-- a phoenix & doves fly out in the morning out in the day, now what bird-dogs suss me out in the field, yo up from the ground how i hear them snapping up at my heels, yo hot on my head what light makes the heat makes the fire makes the ash oh i thought i was dead a phoenix & doves fly out in the morning saint someone said to "die daily"--die daily implies be born daily open my head a phoenix & doves fly out a phoenix & doves fly out a phoenix & doves fly out a phoenix & doves fly out
5.
man friends & woman friends & dog friends & plant friends love me if ye do as i make love to you old friends & new friends & children friends & killer friends love me if ye do as i make love to you i'll harm ye not, scorn ye not, scar ye not no matter what ye do i'll make love to you i'll harm ye not, scorn ye not, scar ye not no matter what ye do i'll make love to you clear friends, wined friends, blind friends, sighted friends... yes friends, no friends, because friends, why friends... i'll harm ye not, scorn ye not, scar ye not, no i'll harm ye not, scorn ye not, scar ye not no matter what ye do i'll make love to you
6.
i'm not who you think i am i'm not so good i'm not so bad i'm just as i should be so help me, dad and standin' on the planet i came from the only way i've ever known to come from-- witness me, mom i'm not who you think i am i'm not so good i'm not so bad i'm just as i should be for electionless selections to funnel through me they do me & undo me & redo me so help me, dad i'm standin' on the planet i came from the only way i've ever known to come from i'm standing in the way, not in the way i'm standing in the way, not in the way come witness me, mom
7.
you find out you're not united you find out you're not the way you were when you find out you're not united when you find out you're not the way you were-- go down. suffer for your crimes, united bring it back on home, the way you were or you're out of here, united for cheating on your own kind the way you were-- go down heaven in your eyes, united heaven sweeps your mind the way you were--oh ! heaven started out united and heaven wants you back the way you were go down you find out you're not united you find out you're not the way you thought you were when you find out you're not united bring it back on home the way you were-- go down
8.
movin' on down the road wasn't i glad to see you movin' on down the road all these days...
9.
comin' home-- there's a crossbones nailed to your door yeah, yeah you're the skull, at home, on the cross bones over your door yeah, yeah mystery over mind mystery over mind mystery over mind ohhhhhhhhhhhhh mystery over mind mystery over mind mystery over mind oh why would you want to explain away these things you find ? why try and explain what is mystery over mind ? mystery over mind mystery over mind mind mystery over mind mind, mind... ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh there's a crossbones nailed to your door yeah, yeah when you're the skull, at home, take those crossbones down from your door !
10.
oh, my teacher died ! am i a student now ??? of whom i cannot tell... oh no, i cannot tell... ( down on me countless times countless times countless times... there's a lump at the back of yr neck in a knot at the top of yr spine it's what you get when you keep saying " no no no " but inside meaning ' yes ' all the time luffing yes & no you wait too long luffing yes & no you say " yeah, yeah, yes--no ! no ! "-- and it's gone. ( too long, luffing yes & no...
11.
oh since my teacher died i am a student now of whom i cannot tell of what i cannot tell... i read his books for years i've gone all through them how i wanted one last fix but he's not writing now oh, my teacher died i felt sorry but i wasn't sorry the night we said goodbye i felt a crumbling school my skin was sensitized to air that rushed in cool oh ! my teacher's eyes were gentle as any man's have been there are no superstars there is no superman there's only everyone i learn from whom i can oh, my teacher died and i felt sorry but i wasn't sorry... my teacher died and i'm a student now of whom i cannot tell of what i cannot tell !

about

Countless Times was recorded in an empty apartment by the Williamsburg waterfront in the summer of 2005. Dave Sitek from TV On The Radio loaned me the space, a four-track cassette recorder and also an antique pump organ which appears on track 10. Gerard Smith loaned a beautiful nylon string guitar which I played on the album's final track. Plenty of trucks rumble by on Kent Avenue and are audible in some of the recordings.

The songs were developed over the course of a long tour with Herman Dune. I recorded them soon after the tour ended, both physically and emotionally depleted. Two of my closest relationships were ending; my relationship to NYC as a supportive home base was also dying out. I feel good about the collection of songs on “Countless Times” though wish they'd been recorded better! New life was breathed into the songs by playing them in live situations with others, especially drummer Anders Griffen.

The album was released on cd by Brooklyn-based label, Voodoo-Eros, run by friends Militia Shimkovitz and Bianca Casady. dianecluck.info/store

--Diane

credits

released November 7, 2005

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Diane Cluck

Singer-songwriter in Charlottesville, VA

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